Going Back
by TheDarknessDidNotComprehendIt
Summary: Hundreds of years later, Merlin finds out how to go back. Can he fix his mistakes and truly fulfill his destiny? Merlin learns about his true feelings for Morgana.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: **Realization**

Merlin sat on his barstool, waiting for his drink. The bartender came up to him, clunking his drink on the rough wooden table.

"Yur a wee young fur firewater, lad," the large man disapproved.

Merlin didn't even laugh. He had heard the same thing for years. Five hundred and thirty-odd years, in fact. That's how long it had been since...since it happened. Merlin hadn't aged, not since Arthur's death.

He didn't respond. He wasn't about to say, "Actually, I'm ten times your age."

So he sat still, sipping his drink. The bar faded slowly….

 _Four individuals on horses. They rode through the English countryside. Merlin looked at the other three; as they rode away from Ealdor, Merlin began to accept the companionship he had always needed. Three friends who had risked their lives for him. Three people who cared for him. They didn't know his secret—he would tell them later…._

 _All of them—gone._

Merlin's appearance was not the only thing that remained the same. The pain never left—it stayed with him constantly, filling the most essential place in his heart. It hadn't gotten easier over the years. If anything, it had become worse with every passing day.

The names were inscribed on his soul: Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, Lancelot, Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, Mother, Father, Will, Morgana.

Their attachment to him seemed an unnatural magic; as if the prospect of letting go was not conceivable.

Merlin looked at his reflection in his glass. He often thought of the times when he had first met them—he could recall them with utter clarity.

Arthur, whom he met beating up some poor servant. Gwen, who made conversation while dodging errant fruits and vegetables. Morgana, who hadn't even been aware he was in her room the first time he met her. Gaius, whom he had had to save by slowing down time to make a soft landing.

Slowing down time. _Wait. How did I do that?_

Merlin closed his eyes completely, shutting the tavern off from his mind. He had seen Gaius fall, but there was no decision, no conscious spell. Time had slowed dramatically, and Merlin had used his instincts to move the bed under Gaius.

Merlin was suddenly excited. If he could control the magic—if he could learn to _manipulate time_ —

A drunk farmer staggered past, breaking him out of his thoughts. The tavern was almost empty. It was very late.

Merlin peered at the reflection of his blue eyes in his glass. They flickered with something he had not felt in many, many years.

The bartender approached. "It's time tuh go home, lad," boomed the voice. Merlin smiled. If he could learn to control the magic of time—well, perhaps one day he really could go home.

Perhaps, after all the years, he could set things right.

A/N: Review, please? My first and only fic. Many more chapters to come.

If you guess **two** of the future pairings in your review, you get a mini-prize: I will review all your stories, and give you a shout-out if this fic is popular.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:** Ready

Merlin had instructed the bartender to throw things at him at random time during the next hours.

Due to his ability to generate currency with magic, the bartender was happy to comply.

It worked, too. Every time an object was hurled at him, Merlin instinctively slowed time, giving himself enough to react.

Merlin got used to the feeling; he explored the raw power of time in an attempt to make it familiar. It was much like getting to know a friend. Each time, he felt more of the power; each time, the power was more connected to him.

They stayed in the tavern until dawn. Merlin paid the bartender a generous sum, then left.

He felt different, somehow, as if this newly recognized force was a larger part of him.

Merlin awoke early the next morning. He looked around, his home (a tree house in the woods) still dark.

He was about to fall asleep again when he noticed the body that lay next to him.

Fighting the urge to scream, Merlin got out of his bed and looked at the unwelcome guest.

It was himself.

Immediately, Merlin realized that he had gone back in time.

Afraid of what would happen if he was to meet himself, Merlin quietly left the house.

 _How did I do that?!_

By Merlin's estimates, he had gone back about a week.

Suddenly, he began to remember a fuzzy memory, almost like a dream….

 _He was standing in a clearing in a forest, alone. Suddenly a shining woman appeared. She was so bright that he could not tell what she looked like._

 _She spoke with a voice as vibrant as the light._

" _You want to go back, Emrys?" she asked._

 _He responded, "Yes, yes I do."_

 _Her voice was clear but warm. "I am the power that controls time."_

 _Merlin was confused. "But who are you?"_

 _She laughed, a sound so beautiful that Merlin felt shivers run down his spine. "I am," she said simply._

 _Merlin squinted his eyes. "Will you not show yourself?"_

 _She laughed again. "My shape does not matter, Emrys. I can take any form I like. I am neither man nor woman nor human nor creature nor anything of this earth. I am that I am."_

 _Merlin did not completely understand, but he knew that her words were wholly true._

" _Will you take me back?" he said._

" _Perhaps," she said, "but do you really think it will bring you happiness?"_

 _He didn't hesitate. "I know it will."_

 _The woman—the light—emanated an inscrutable emotion. "I will send you back, but only a little. If you remember this tomorrow as a dream, then you will be mentally ready for the journey back."_

 _And the light faded._

Merlin's eyes widened as he remembered the experience. Not only had he met the power that controls time-she had said he was ready to go back!

Merlin looked up as the sun began to appear.

The next time he saw a sunrise, Merlin thought, he would be in a time where dragons still lived, where magic was banned, where Arthur was an alive prat, where his father still lived, and where Morgana's heart was not yet destroyed.

He couldn't wait.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _Chapter 3 of Going Back. Please review; I like to hear your thoughts and opinions._

 _I have spent a lot of time with planning the entire story, so stay tuned._

 _Have a wonderful day._

* * *

 **Real**

Once Merlin fell asleep, the figure, the figure of Light, appeared.

"You are ready," it said, still in the form of a woman.

Merlin was happy, but the gravity of the impending future composed his manner. "Yes," he said, a sharp focus in his eyes.

"You shall not go back without first knowing the truth."

His eyebrows narrowed. "What truth?" he said, shielding his eyes from the brightness.

The Light stood still, its voice of an indescribable nature. "Time is not just complicated. It is _infinitely_ complicated. Every change you make can and will influence the past—and the future—in ways you do not expect. And often, it will change things that you do not desire."

Merlin waited for the voice to continue, slight anxiety overruled by a tingling excitement.

"Because of this," the Light continued, "I tell you take care in when you try to change _anything_ that may have unintended consequences."

The Warlock nodded; unlike anything he had ever met, the voice's _truth_ was completely undeniable. Every word that he heard was instantly certain.

"Also, beware of yourself—your previous self. If your previous self becomes aware of you, then it shall cease to exist; _you_ will fill the void and be trapped in that time forever."

Merlin's eyes widened, but he nodded again. _I'll have to make sure not to do that…._

"Lastly," the voice said — Merlin winced, expecting another rule — "enjoy it; make right what you can and be at peace with what you do."

Merlin, relieved, asked, "Yes, but how do I get to you again?"

The Light laughed, a sound so beautiful that Merlin could not find a way to describe it. "I am always with you," she said.

• • •

A rather loud bird caused the Warlock to open his eyes.

Light. Sun. Morning. Leaf. Tree. Forest.

 _I'm in Camelot!_

He lay on his back, wet from a moist patch of soil. The morning sun cast a mottled glance at the clearing around him.

He recognized the area from his many adventures; it was just outside the castle….

He shot up and ran.

Through branches, a puddle, rabbit droppings—

The rush of emotion was too alive, too powerful to be called nostalgia.

The castle stood, complete, secure, and proud; it was at the very height of its grandeur, and to Merlin it was a shining beacon of remembrance. He advanced toward it with uncontained elation, feeling nothing but the impossible beauty of a dream fulfilled.

Then he heard the drumbeat, and Uther Pendragon's voice. He recognized the speech.

 _Today is my previous-self's first day in Camelot._

He proceeded with more caution. When he reached the castle wall, he decided to scale it with magic—blending in with the crowd was far too risky.

His powers had grown tremendously over the millions of hours he had lived. In a few seconds he had positioned himself at the top of a turret, with a full view of the execution.

Merlin searched for his younger self and soon saw a gangly boy watching concernedly as the king spoke. Merlin's eyes shifted to Uther and Arthur—

The sight—the simple sight of the pompous prat—brought an utter feeling of reality to Merlin. He fought back the tears, but they came out, slowly at first, then flowed quickly down his face.

He wiped them away and noticed a window open above the king. A girl looked out, the only one that regarded the execution with neither fear nor condemnation.

It was a look of injustice, of righteous anger. The fire in her green eyes was at the same time compassionate.

It was the deep honesty in Morgana's expression that filled Merlin with such emotion. She was so young, so _vulnerable_ , so _good,_ so _whole_. Merlin vowed that no matter how he changed the future, he would not allow Morgana to be left alone again.

The sorcerer was executed; his mother promised vengeance.

But in a situation filled with darkness, Merlin felt hope.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: I've kind of lost my emotional connection to this show recently (on purpose) , but I will still make chapters for fun. Hope you all enjoy.**_

 _ **Let me know how you like or dislike this.**_

* * *

 **Materialized Memories**

 _Where the hell am I going to live?_

It was nighttime. After the execution, Merlin had decided to get away from the castle. The emotional shock was too much; he needed to get away for the night.

He trudged through the long grasses. The moon caught his eye; it watched him intently, as if it knew he didn't belong.

 _A treehouse. I treehouse could work. It would have to be high up, so that patrols won't notice it._

He came to the clearing where Kilgharrah used to talk to him—

 _Wait! I forgot, the blasted dragon is alive right now—and in the dungeons under the castle!_

The warlock shook his head. It was too much. He would figure it out later. Right now he needed to get his head on straight.

He saw a large tree on his right at the edge of the clearing.

 _Perfect._

With magic, he scaled the tree, which rose over forty meters. When he reached the top, the view of Camelot was astonishing.

Before he knew it, tears filled his eyes again.

 _I'm_ _ **400**_ _years old,_ he thought. _By now, I should be able to control myself._

But his heart did not listen; it throbbed with an emotion he could not explain.

† † †

He used wood from fallen trees to build the floor, walls, and roof. He kept large spaces in the walls and ceiling so that the wind would blow through.

He built a small fireplace and lit a magical fire that would burn out. In the end, the structure was about five meters high and ten wide. He fortified the wood with magic, giving it a strength far greater than iron.

 _I can't see why that will be necessary, but better safe than sorry,_ he thought, starting to cast another spell to rid insects from the wood.

It took only a quarter of an hour until he was done; he fashioned a hammock from vines—which was surprisingly comfortable—and relaxed by the fire.

Slowly, he drifted off the sleep.

† † †

The next morning, Merlin rose early.

Immediately, he thought of young-Merlin's first morning in Camelot.

 _Ah yes, the fight with Arthur._ He couldn't resist. He had to see it.

The castle's market was bustling, so Merlin wore a dark cloak with a hood and stood on the edge, waiting for young-Merlin to appear.

A few minutes later, a gangly boy arrived—

 _Damn, I looked stupid._

—and started to banter with Arthur. As the fight began, Merlin moved around to get a better view, cringing when Arthur almost took his head off.

† † †

Later, Merlin slowly made his way to the stocks, where vicious children threw chunks of food at young-Merlin. He started when he saw Gwen approach.

 _I forgot about this! This is where I met Gwen._

Gwen kindly made conversation with young-Merlin as Merlin watched from afar, a smile on his face.

He noticed the look on Gwen's face as she left him—

 _Did she have a crush on me?!_ He thought to himself, chuckling quietly.

† † †

Late that night, he decided to have a look around the castle. Avoiding the guards as he had done on numerous occasions, Merlin explored the halls, feeling waves of nostalgia wash through him.

And then—

He found himself at Arthur's door. He approached cautiously, not completely knowing what he was doing. Suddenly, with a rush of impulse he knocked.

"What the hell do you want?"

The impertinent shout caused Merlin to chuckle.

The door was flung open. "Who the hell are you?" Arthur demanded.

"Er…" said Merlin, "I'm...Emrys." It was the first non-Merlin name he could think of.

Arthur squinted, studying him. "You sound familiar," he said, "lower your hood."

Merlin tensed. "I can't do that," he said, knowing he could be recognized even with his beard and slightly more matured appearance.

Arthur looked suspicious. "Then either get out or I'll call the guards to arrest you."

Merlin nodded and strode away, his head buzzing.

† † †

 _I've just met Arthur. I've just met Arthur._

He stood alone on one of Camelot's towers. The air was freezing; it bit at any exposed skin.

The courtyard below him was almost completely empty apart from a few guards.

It was late; the night was dark.

Suddenly, he heard a faint scream. It came from inside the castle—

 _Morgana._

He instantly climbed down onto the wall and made his way to her room with magic.

Morgana's room was quite far; even with magic supporting his handholds, Merlin was exhausted when he got to her window.

He looked inside, prepared for the worst….

She sat up on her bed, alone. Small rays of moonlight reflected off the tears running down her cheeks.

 _She's okay. She had a nightmare. Of course._

But in the look in her eyes was not okay. It was wild, confused, and _alone._

He wanted more than anything to go in, to comfort her, to tell her she wasn't alone. But he couldn't. She didn't know him yet.

He couldn't help her, not yet. Young-Merlin would have to bumble into her life first. He would have to be patient.

But he waited there for hours until she fell asleep again.

* * *

 _ **Do any of you ever wish you had a Merlin/Morgana in your life? :P**_


	5. Involved

A/N **: Hello everyone. Legend says that, if you leave a review, Merlin will visit you in your dreams!**

 **But honestly, let me know how you liked this, how you hated it, or anything else.**

* * *

 ** _Involved_**

 _Pretty soon, I have to start intervening. And before that happens, I need to look like myself._

He paced the confines of the treehouse. _Yes, I have to look exactly like young-Merlin. Do I have a spell for that?_

He stood still, thinking, the wood creaking slightly beneath his feet. Then—

 _Of course. I can just use the spell I used to turn back into Merlin from the old man._

It was complicated, but eventually Merlin altered the spell so that he would appear as if he was in his early twenties.

"Edniwe min geoguð gu ficheadan!" he said, his palm pointing at himself.

He felt a shock, and a shiver ran through him. He looked in the mirror and saw a man who looked exactly as his younger self.

 _Good,_ he thought. _Let's go to the castle and see where my other self is._

• • •

But it wasn't himself that he found first. It was Arthur.

The prince strode pompously through the lower town, acting as if he was a different species than those around him.

 _What a dollophead,_ Merlin said with a shake of the head and half-smile.

Arthur suddenly slowed near an old, homeless woman. He checked all around him to see if anyone was looking. Merlin ducked quickly behind a barrel, out of sight.

Once he was sure that no one was looking, Arthur slipped a generous sum of coins into the woman's cup. "I hope that you have better luck," the prince said to her quietly, and went on his way.

Merlin peeked out from behind the barrel. _WHAT?_

He followed behind Arthur, who was heading toward the woods. _Perhaps he was not so much of a prat as I thought…._

Suddenly his knee smashed loudly on a tent post, causing a steel pan to crash to the ground. _Great._

Arthur spun around. "Mer-lin! What the hell are you doing?"

Merlin coughed. "Er, I'm going to pick herbs. Urgent. For Gaius."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "No, Mer-lin. I told you specifically to clean my armor. Now go get it _done,_ before I teach you the meaning of pain." He held up a threatening finger.

"Yes," said Merlin, "of course sire. Right away sire." He spun on his heel and walked back to the castle, grinning as he heard Arthur's huff of frustration behind him.

• • •

He slipped into the castle and sneaked right to Arthur's chambers. He pressed his ear to the door.

 _I'm in there._ He peeked in. The pile of armor was tremendous. _Good. I'll be there for a while._

He walked to his old chambers, where he found Gaius cleaning up some spilled potion. The sight of the fatherly physician made Merlin's heart swell. "Hello Gaius," he said.

"Merlin! Good, you're here. I need to you to take this sleeping draft to the Lady Morgana." He stuffed a bottle into Merlin's hands. "Off you go!"

Merlin's heart leapt into his throat. _Morgana? I...I'm not ready…._

But his feet took him up a set of stairs to a familiar door. He stood in front of it, his heart beating rapidly.

With a deep breath, he knocked.

A few tense seconds later, she opened it.

And, as his eyes stared into hers—suddenly, forcefully, beautifully—Merlin was filled with an emotion so strong he could not name it. It simply filled him, leaving no room for anything else.

"Merlin."

"Er...yes, hello," he stuttered out.

She kept looking at him, her slightly intense gaze never leaving him.

After a few seconds she raised an ebony eyebrow—

"Yes, yes, sorry—er, here—" he stuck out the hand with the bottle in it.

"Oh, thank you," she said, accepting it and giving him a small smile.

He made way to leave but as he turned, she asked, "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, thank you, my lady."

She tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. "I've told you before, call me Morgana, Merlin."

Merlin smiled—a true smile; his eyes beaming. He laughed. "Ah, sorry, _Morgana._ "

She smirked. "You'd better be sorry, _Mer-lin,_ " she said, teasing him with Arthur's tone which so annoyed him.

Merlin smiled again, completely filled with emotion. _I should go now._

He turned to go. "Well, if you ever need anything...let me know!" he said with a small nod. She didn't say anything; her lips arched slowly into a honest smile. He went down the stairs, tripping slightly.

He heard the door snap behind him. The warlock walked over to the huge window overlooking the countryside. It was almost nighttime. A grey mist blanketed the valley.

He stood, alone, looking out at the darkening landscape. And whatever emotion it was that filled him, whatever feeling that coursed through him—he wanted more of it.

* * *

 **:)**


End file.
